The Making of "Sprout"
"Sprout" is one of my more recent pieces. I drew this image of a pregnant woman with labor pains, in the dark of the earth, in her seed. She is in pain and is doing her work. All she sees is dark. She does not see the water nourishing the earth around her. She does not see the roots growing into the earth, channeling in nutrients and water. She does not see the little sprout that has emerged in the light of the rising sun.

Sometimes I feel like this. I've been on a conscious path of self-awareness for about 15 years. Sometimes I feel like I'm in the dark, in pain, doing my work but not seeing the fruit of that work. I remind myself that I'm growing roots that are bringing in good nutrients, that I have the support of life and nature and God, and that even though the process sometimes feels slow, I'm incubating a more authentic self.

The last year or so of my journey has been about surrendering to the mystery. I used to want to understand everything intellectually. Now I see it as a defense mechanism to seemingly protect me from the unknown, but interestingly, rather than protecting me, it insulates me from the Grace of the unknown.

About 7 years ago I started feeling like I was pregnant with the next version of me. I kept thinking it was right around the corner, but instead continued to feel pregnant. A few months ago I realized that I am starting to sprout, to give birth to what has been incubating within me for years.

Life happens in its own time. I don't have to make it happen. Just like needing to understand gets in the way, so does needing to control. And of course as I let go of the desire to understand and the desire to control I relax enough to allow a little sprout to shoot up in the light of the rising sun.

~Tracy Rae Clark, November, 2015